Dear Car

(and other miscellaneous ramblings, in which I express myself aloud to inanimate objects. This practice is not original with me; I have to thank my friend Katrina at www.callapidderdays.com for letting me know it’s okay to vent in this way!)

Dear Regal,

I’m sorry, but when the service engine light comes on all the time these days, I begin to wonder if you’re exhibiting passive-aggressive behavior. Perhaps you’re ticked at me for abandoning you for the cute little SUV. If there’s something really wrong, could you like drop your engine or something serious? Going through turn signal lights like I’d eat a box of dark chocolate-covered raisins is just not cutting it.

Dear Aldi’s,

I love like shopping at your store. Love the great buys on produce. Your yogurt rocks. Everyone loves the scones I make with your dried cherries. Your check-out people are getting nicer all the time. And I don’t miss the crowds at the big bird store. But there’s the cart issue. I understand and fully support your policy requiring a quarter to use a cart. And thank you for rewarding me with the quarter when I return the cart. The problem is, I usually forget my quarter. And no – I’m not real good at asking strangers for a quarter. But it’s equally embarrassing to walk around with my arms piled high with eggs and bread, asking strangers to pile on broccoli or stick a bag of onions in my hands. So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to hide a quarter somewhere on your premises. You know – the old “key’s under the mat” trick. Don’t tell anyone. And please don’t rearrange your store. It will be our little secret, okay? And I’ll go on being your best customer forever!

Dear Car Behind Me,

I know you’re in a hurry. But since I was rear-ended twice in the space of two years, I’m still a little gun shy. So please don’t beep at me to move up when I want to leave a large cushion between me and the car in front of me. And being two inches from my bumper while we wait for this light to turn is probably not going to get you anywhere faster. Can’t we just all slow down a bit?

Dear Facebook,

We have a love-hate relationship, don’t we? Don’t get me wrong. I like being able to connect with my friends. But it’s getting a little old, your slipping changes in on me when I’m not looking. That’s the kind of games we played in junior high school, hiding the erasers and rearranging desks while the teacher was at lunch, just to see if she was paying attention. I’m kind of past that now. So maybe you could just let me know up front when you’re going to make a little (or big) change. Thanks.

Dear Twitter,

Sorry, but I still don’t get you! But they say you’re the social marketing-networking platform. So could you help me get some editing business if I keep tweeting? Thanks.

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2 thoughts on “Dear Car

  1. I loved this piece and related so with these frustrations.

    I haven’t begun tweeting because I am still overwhelmed with blogging. Trying to teach fulltime, maintain blogs, and continue writing is difficult (to say the least).

    I should write a post like yours:

    Dear emerging self-publishing industry,

    How on earth can unpublished writers manage to work fulltime, social network, blog, and still finish manuscripts. You are truly a promising opportunity yet a cruel taskmaster!

  2. I love it, and agree w/ all of them. My problem exactly w/ Aldi’s. I never have a quarter (guess I could beg one off the kids) and I always forget to bring my own bags or boxes. sigh. I really do want to save money…..

    Thanks for a good chuckle!

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